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  • #31
    Originally posted by Sethva
    hah, you ever see national lampoons vegas vacation, has a part where they're at a dam and the tour guide goes on a "dam....." rant, its funny.
    lol yes! My favorite part of that movie is when they go to Eddie's casino, when they have the games like "pick a number between 1 and 10", "rock paper scissors" and "guess which hand" lol

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    • #32
      A Guy Goes To A Supermarket And Notices A Beautiful Blonde Wave At Him And Say's "hello". He's Rather Taken Back, Because He Can't Place Where He Knows Her From, So He Says "do You Know Me?"
      To Which She Replies "i Think Your The Father Of One Of My Kids."
      Now He Thinks Back To The Only Time He Has Ever Been Unfaithful To His Wife And Says, "my God, Are You The Stripper From My Bachelor Party That I Laid On The Pool Table With All My Buddies Watching, While Your Partner Whipped My Ass With Wet Celery And Then Stuck A Carrot Up My Butt?".
      She Says "no, I'm Your Son's Math Teacher.

      Comment


      • #33
        A guy walks in and sits at the bar.
        He sees a monkey in a cage behind the bar and asks the barkeep "why do you have a monkey in a cage?"

        Barkeep says, "This monkey can do some crazy shit. Watch this."

        The barkeep takes the monkey out of the cage, and hits it on its head with a hammer. The monkey goes wildly around the bar and proceeds to give the patrons blow jobs, then comes back to the cage.

        "That's some talented monkey you got there!", says the guy.
        Barkeep asks him, "Would you like to try it?"

        The guy looks at the barkeep with an eager look and says, "Sure! Just don't hit me over the head too hard!"


        I've always liked this one lol

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        • #34
          How do you catch a unique rabbit?
          Unique up on it.

          How do you catch a tame rabbit?
          Tame way.
          Dont ask for a light load, Ask for a strong back,and also some huge biceps while your asking.

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          • #35
            I man is driving to work. He is speeding along and a motorcycle trooper hiding behind a bush pulls out and stops him for speeding.

            "Why were you going so fast there son" Said the cop

            "I was late for work and trying to make up time" Replied the driver

            "What kind of work do you do that is so important that you have to speed on my highway"

            "I am an asshole stretcher"

            "An asshole stretcher?" the cop asks

            " Sure, first you put in one finger, then two, eventually the whole fist, then two. Now this is the tricky part. Then you have to get one foot and one hand in. If you are good you can stretch an asshole up to about six foot"

            "And what exactly does one do with a six foot asshole" asked the cop

            " The state likes to put them on motorcycles and hide them behind bushes to harrass people on their way to work!"
            Dont ask for a light load, Ask for a strong back,and also some huge biceps while your asking.

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            • #36
              lol, good ones!

              Comment


              • #37
                A man walks into a bar and orders 6 shots of whiskey.

                The bartender serves him 5 shots, and on the sixth shot the bartender asks him "What's the special occasion?" the man replies "I had my first blowjob today."

                The bartender smiles and says "Oh, that is great! Since it's such a special day, I will give you a 7th shot of whiskey for free!"

                The man replies, "No, that's okay. If 6 shots didn't get the taste out of my mouth I doubt the seventh will"

                Comment


                • #38
                  lol, keep it up!

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    God will save me.

                    This this man is in a town that's getting flooded and his friends drive by like "come on man hurry up get in the car it's gonna flood" but the guy was like "No, God will save me"

                    The guy crawled ontop of his roof as the water level raised to the roof. His neighbors drove by in a boat and said "come on man just get in the fuckin' boat" but he said "No, God will save me"

                    As the water came up to his waist a helicopter came over and dropped a ladder and the rescuers screamed "Grab the rope! Come on or you'll die!" and the guy screamed back at them "NO! GOD WILL SAVE ME!"

                    So then, the guy drowned and went to heaven. When he met god he said "God, Why didn't you try to save me!!!"

                    And God said "I DID! I SENT A CAR! I SENT A BOAT! I SENT FUCKIN' HELICOPTER!"

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      Originally posted by adrian andras
                      This this man is in a town that's getting flooded and his friends drive by like "come on man hurry up get in the car it's gonna flood" but the guy was like "No, God will save me"

                      The guy crawled ontop of his roof as the water level raised to the roof. His neighbors drove by in a boat and said "come on man just get in the fuckin' boat" but he said "No, God will save me"

                      As the water came up to his waist a helicopter came over and dropped a ladder and the rescuers screamed "Grab the rope! Come on or you'll die!" and the guy screamed back at them "NO! GOD WILL SAVE ME!"

                      So then, the guy drowned and went to heaven. When he met god he said "God, Why didn't you try to save me!!!"

                      And God said "I DID! I SENT A CAR! I SENT A BOAT! I SENT FUCKIN' HELICOPTER!"
                      lol, good one.

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        Flat Belly

                        A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad
                        bouncing up and down. the mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried
                        about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him.

                        The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?"

                        The mother replies, "Well, you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes
                        I have to get on top of it and help flatten it."

                        "Your wasting your time," said the boy.

                        "Why is that?" the mom asked puzzled.

                        "Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her
                        knees and blows it right back up."

                        Comment


                        • #42
                          Originally posted by hypnotikk
                          A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad
                          bouncing up and down. the mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried
                          about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him.

                          The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?"

                          The mother replies, "Well, you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes
                          I have to get on top of it and help flatten it."

                          "Your wasting your time," said the boy.

                          "Why is that?" the mom asked puzzled.

                          "Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her
                          knees and blows it right back up."
                          as corny as these jokes are.....I lol'd

                          Comment


                          • #43
                            A guy is walking past a funeral home, and he notices that there is a huge line of people waiting outside to get in. So he walks up to a guy standing in line and asks him what all the comotion is about. The guy in line replies, " some guys wife and mother-in-law were murdered". So the other guy replies, "I really must talk with this man. Do you know where I can find him?" The guy in line replies, "Yeah, he is inside and the line starts way back there!"
                            All of us learn to write in the second grade. Most of us go on to greater things. - Bobby Knight
                            Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

                            Comment


                            • #44
                              Originally posted by testmonster2000
                              A guy is walking past a funeral home, and he notices that there is a huge line of people waiting outside to get in. So he walks up to a guy standing in line and asks him what all the comotion is about. The guy in line replies, " some guys wife and mother-in-law were murdered". So the other guy replies, "I really must talk with this man. Do you know where I can find him?" The guy in line replies, "Yeah, he is inside and the line starts way back there!"

                              Comment


                              • #45
                                Originally posted by hypnotikk
                                A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad
                                bouncing up and down. the mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried
                                about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him.

                                The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?"

                                The mother replies, "Well, you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes
                                I have to get on top of it and help flatten it."

                                "Your wasting your time," said the boy.

                                "Why is that?" the mom asked puzzled.

                                "Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her
                                knees and blows it right back up."

                                Ya I lol'd at that one.
                                A Gold's Gym puppet - and proud of it.

                                Comment

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