Working out and stress on a relationship

[jaymdubbs]

Sometimes I feel like im the only one out there (i know im not), but my girlfriend of 3 years gave me the talk a few days ago about how my
"routine" drives her crazy (seriously)

because I work a 9-5, as soon as i get home i change and go to the gym, and i am usually back in about 1.5 hrs. i take a shower, and we both make dinner, sit down, watch TV or go for a walk etc. then go to sleep and repeat cycle for the next day.

she says it pisses her off that i cant deviate from the routine, especially with my eating schedule and the types of things i can eat.

NOTE: i am a very routine guy, who lives and dies by a schedule, where as she is the more spontaneous person.

we usually spend the whole weekend togethe running errands, going out to dinner, etc. now for one, i am completely happy by this, as i find solace in the daily routines. you start to look forward to things.

i asked her if i workout too much and she said i didnt, but its just that "i cant break my routine" which is crap because if i have to i will (and i have before)


is this something you guys run across too?

[Mr. Aries]

the girlfriend wants and needs some attention.. She wants to feel like she is still very high on the priority list after 3 years.. Show up tonite with a dozen roses at the door and you will have secured those feelings she needs solidified.

[Sethva]

Sometimes I feel like im the only one out there (i know im not), but my girlfriend of 3 years gave me the talk a few days ago about how my
"routine" drives her crazy (seriously)

because I work a 9-5, as soon as i get home i change and go to the gym, and i am usually back in about 1.5 hrs. i take a shower, and we both make dinner, sit down, watch TV or go for a walk etc. then go to sleep and repeat cycle for the next day.

she says it pisses her off that i cant deviate from the routine, especially with my eating schedule and the types of things i can eat.

NOTE: i am a very routine guy, who lives and dies by a schedule, where as she is the more spontaneous person.

we usually spend the whole weekend togethe running errands, going out to dinner, etc. now for one, i am completely happy by this, as i find solace in the daily routines. you start to look forward to things.

i asked her if i workout too much and she said i didnt, but its just that "i cant break my routine" which is crap because if i have to i will (and i have before)


is this something you guys run across too?

Ok let me start off by saying I'm in the exact same position; so you're not the only one.

When this sort of thing came up between me and my soon to be wife, it was a huge blowout. The difference was we were in college, and she thought it had something to do with me trying to impress all the blond rich girls that ran around campus. What I did was sit her down and explain why we do what we do, and that it doesnt have anything to do with anything else (girls).

Well what I did was convince her to come along. Women want and need attention, and when they dont get it, its a real shitty day. So I told her this is something I take seriously, and that if she doesnt like it, then we probably weren't meant to be. She thought about it, and decided that if its something I love, then she'll do everything she can to appreciate it also. It was a good decision.

Now we both take it pretty serious, and she loves the fact that I workout, and that she can share that time with me. Its improved both of our lives and she's looking foward to being able to workout and eat right her whole life.

I think if you can get her to come along with you (your time at the gym might increase) and make her feel special by helping her, she'll love the fact that you eat strict, workout strict, and dont break your schedule.

Hell my girlfriend even reads M&F and Flex now, and even knows a bunch of the pro's by name

[bis]

i say choke her they like that shit.

chicks tend to throw fits because they dont get enough attention. eventually if you dont give it to them they will find someone who will. if she cant understand your lifestyle (i use that term because for some of us its not routine its life the way we chose to live it) then your stuck with making a choice. either tell her to talk a walk or make changes. come up with a schedule that includes more time here and there. and then when she doesnt make an effort to meet you half way THEN tell her to take a walk.

or you can do what i do which is the first piece of advice i gave. trust me its golden.

[HBY18202]

Normally, I will just deviate my plans. If that means missing a workout, thats what it means. To be honest, I don't think missing that one back workout is going to kill your physique. You miss that one important event with the girlfriend and your left lonely.

One time I got back from vacation, and had to go see the girlfriend the next day, and I told her I was going to pay to work out at the Gold's (She lives in Clemson)... So she let me come a little later if I worked out at my house

I don't see anything wrong with shifting a little, as long as it's not all the time.

[ConnerMD]

Sounds all too familiar to me. My girlfriend for the past 3 1/2 years and I recently split up because of the same thing. I thought it was going great for a while, I even got her to start coming to the gym with me (we're still in college), but once we went home for the summer, she was working again and suddenly, since she was there with me when I went, it was a huge issue for her. I tried to help it along, as I avoided talking about anything even remotely related to working out or nutrition, but in the end, my "silly" routines were just too much for her. Now, I'm feeling a little down about it because, deep down, I know I shouldn't be with someone who is going to get all bitchy because I want to take care of myself and be there for her down the road in good health, but I'm not sure if all of this is worth losing someone I cared so much for...so my advice is to just work for compromises. Like everyone else has said, skipping a couple of workouts to do something with her will make her feel much better in the long run.

Whew, emo rant over.

[browndustin]

Ahh that sucks, man. I just ran into the same thing and because I’ve changed so much over the past year, I actually broke up with my gf. Both of us had changed dramatically actually, and if this were 6 months ago I would have fought for our relationship.

Your GF definitely needs some attention. I know exactly what you’re talking about though, I worked all day during the week and then I come home and workout, eat and spend time with my old woman. She needs to know that it’s not that you’re selfish, but dedicated rather. If you deviate away from your tasks, which it seems like you are clearly ready to do for an important cause, it will drastically hinder your progress. But like you said, you’re willing to make that sacrifice and your GF just needs something to reinforce it.

Girls aren’t always the most logical creatures. Sometimes it the strangest things for them to make her realize that she’s appreciated. We can all tell that you love your girl, and she should hopefully recognize this as well.

You know what you could do? Maybe show her this thread. Let her know that you really do care about it, and you also have a deep respect and obligations outside of your relationship as well. You need to live your own separate lives and share them together. You shouldn’t live a conglomerate life. That’s what some girls I’ve been with think, and it’s ultimately ruined things. I’ve even done that before. Not saying she’s needy, but it seems like she’s got a one-track mind and sometimes it’s hard for girls to shake what they think they know. Sometimes they get so certain about things, but maybe you could include her in some of your activities. But maybe if she’s sick of them, perhaps stop talking about it when you’re around her and focus your attention on things you’re both passionate about. IME, some girls like to be included and some girls want you to STFU if you’re not in the gym.

I know exactly how this situation feels. Hopefully your woman understands that you are a man who has goals, aspirations and dedication. You’re committed to both the life that you’re leading and to the woman you love. She should recognize this and while it’s a very big favor to ask, hopefully she’ll fully support your endeavors as well. It’s a tough task no doubt, but if she loves you then she should be able to support you unconditionally. Some women can’t handle this and it’s very understandable. But I’m hoping for the best with you two. Please be sure to keep us posted, buddy! Good luck!

[pu12en12g]

1) If what you described is the extent of the drama I would consider yourself VERY, VERY lucky.

2) The most politically correct way I can phrase this.... keep your girl happy / passed out / satisfied and she will NOT give a damn what else is going on in the world... yes this even applies to "drama queens" and "clingy" females.

[Sethva]

Lol @ the long responses by everyone because I have a feeling this is a pretty common occurrence for most of us

[jaymdubbs]

thanks everyone for the great advice. i figured this is very common, just not talked about a lot.

i think my main problem is i become slightly obsessive compulsive about the weirdest shit sometimes (if anyone can remember my cheat meal thread a few weeks ago). while i can logically figured out missing a workout here or there isnt that big of a deal (rome wasnt built in a day) i cant help but feel guilty for missing it. however, if something comes up, i have no problem missing it, like going home, or an event comes up - no problem.

I am severely dedicated to my routine and have already done SO MUCH and given up so much to be with my GF more - for instance, i have started taking less MMA classes, i have kept wittling down my workouts to make them quicker so i can spend more time with her, and i have even made my diet a little more GF friendly. i honestly feel i cant give up much more without changing the type of person i am (def. not going to happen), and she realizes it, but i feel every few months or so its "how much more can i give"

dont get me wrong, i am fairly certain i am going to marry this girl, but it seems like she is having a little harder time adjusting to living together than me. Im perfectly happy with what we have going (and i do go out of my way to be romantic) and she says she is too, but there some things like this she wants me to work on.

in regards to her joining me while working out, i keep trying but she keeps hanging me up about it. shes already really skinny, so she doesnt technically need to as she runs and does aerobics at home, but i keep telling her its about spending time with each other. im gonna keep trying tho


NOTE: she is supportive of me working out and doing martial arts (she inspired me to get in shape, so in essence she created a monster!!!!)

[Mers]

Mine is a pain in the ass. We've dated for 4 years and lived together for 2. She doesn't like the restricted diet. She can't handle eating chicken "almost every meal". A couple months ago she accused me of cheating on her. Even though all I ever do is Go to work, go to the gym, and go home. She gets pissed that I spend so much time in the gym working out with Bis. She gets upset that the few times she actually shows up to the gym and I'm there, I don't drop what I'm doing and come talk to her. I try to stay focused and it can wait till we get home or at least till I'm done with my workout. I'm not there to socialize.

I haven't been to the bars in months. Yet she's convinced I go out and pick up women. She thinks I'm having an affair with people I meet over the internet. She gets mad at me because I don't come to bed when she does. (I've dealt with Insomnia most of my adult life and sleep very little.) Her sex drive is nill for various reasons that isn't my place to elaborate on.

I love the girl but she's turning all her accusations into a self fulfilling reality as I'm just getting fed up with it. My conscience would never allow me to cheat on her, but it's definately hard not to just say fuck it and walk out.

So in other words man...you're not alone lol. Good luck.

[pu12en12g]

Sounds like you are sacrificing / compromising already.. what sacrifices is SHE making ?

Is she meeting you halfway ? 50/50 ? (overall... not fitness / MMA... but big picture )

[browndustin]

LOL

Why does this have to happen to us!!

I wish that there were more hours in a day or that I didn’t have to work full time. It’s so taxing to add a girl to the mix. I honestly want to find another woman soon, but I’m going to let her know what kind of shit she’s getting into first off.

It would be a lot nicer if women could understand what we’re going through. The dedication, pain, dietary restrictions and routines are strict but worth it, imo. I just wish that people didn’t think that living a sedentary bodybuilding life was all glamorous and sexy! WTF, it’s NOT easy and not always “fun”!!! People need to get it through their heads that living these kinds of lives is not easy. Easy would be drinking every night, sleeping around, never having a monogamous relationship and pissing about without and regard for consequences. Everything I do is strategic. If it’s not advantageous, I’m not going to waste my time doing it. And if there’s no reason to break my routine for important reasons like family matters, I will not compromise. This is not selfishness, it is survival.

My ex-gf also accused me of looking at women out of our relationship for companionship and even suggested that I might be cheating (or going to cheat)… holy shit was she ever wrong. I hardly even had time for my homies, let alone enough time to spend scoring tang. Yeah, right (I wish).

I needs to find me a golden girl who works full time, is independent and supportive. Sounds like yours is all that jay, she just needs to understand where you’re coming from a little better. She’s only focusing on the negative things and not really on anything positive. My ex gradually did this more and more until every time I saw her, she already had some stupid-bitch things to say to me. I ended up breaking up with her because of her immaturity and while I still loved her, she’s the one who’s hurting right now. Couldn’t stay with a girl who’s gonna be immature like that all the time. Bunk-dizzle.

[pu12en12g]

I honestly want to find another woman soon, but I’m going to let her know what kind of shit she’s getting into first off.

Amen to that bro... how old are you again ? You are lightyears ahead of most. Live life for yourself and if a hottie wants to go the same direction or along for the wild ride... so be it !!

I needs to find me a golden girl who works full time, is independent and supportive.

BOOYA.... that combo is one in a million bro... one in a million

[JThompson]

-coming from a married man...


Most of you hit the nail on the head...great group therapy!

Since you are in a serious relationship, she's looking to find out where she is on your priority list. If she is, as you say she is, the girl you are going to marry, you'll need to let her know...most women just need to hear it...but as Aries said, flowers work too. But she's also got to under stand that while she's number 1 on your priority list...working out/MMA is 1.5 on your priority list and that's something she's going to have to deal with if it's going to work out for you two.

Having goals, dedication, determination towards something in your life should prove to her that you're not messing around with the other aspects of your life either.

Communication is the key...if it pisses you off, tell her...and if she can't deal with it, then you've got bigger issues ahead.

Good luck!